As I was scrolling through my photos I stumbled across some of the ones from last year and the previous years. “What the hell? How was I so skinny?” For sure. It was frustrating to see how slim I was previously… but that’s not what I’m upset about the most. What frustrated me the most was recalling how I used to call myself fat when clearly I wasn’t! Coming Home is coming soon this February 7th of 2020 and I will admit that I am not in my best shape. I was much larger and in fact the most insecure I’ve ever been in all my 17 (soon to be 18) years of existing. I can’t help but FEEL disappointed in myself. But what will dwelling on the past do?

Yeah. I totally lost weight last year and guess what? It was an AMAZING feeling… that was until I started to fall apart. My progress took a pause and I gave up. I fell and I stayed down. I didimt want to get back up. Tbh I really did NOT care. I just wanted to satisfaction of pizza, fried chicken, brownies, sweets- anything fatty. Summer came and I acted homeless. I hid in my room and didn’t want to be with anybody really. I felt guilty everytime I ate something risky but I kept telling myself that this was self love when in fact it wasn’t. I was isolating myself and damaging my body. I want to take this FUCKING mistake and learn so fucking hard from it. I want this to be a huge lesson I can learn from. While losing weight last year I noticed that I was strict with myself. I’d treat “junk food” like the devil himself. I felt guilty everytime I ate sweets and sugar. Then in the summer I treated “junk food” like my only source of oxygen. Food was my only friend. I’m gonna take this fucking lesson and find my balance.